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Taking the plunge.....

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5 simple steps to forgiving

Posted on March 29, 2016 at 12:15 AM Comments comments ()

5 simple steps to Forgiveness

 

Why is it we sometimes have problems "forgiving" someone . Why do we hold on to the anger and resentment, the pain of having being wronged?Even when we are proven right and the world is biting the backside of the person who wronged you, we feel a sense of triumph and may offer a shallow " I forgive you now " but..... The "You deserved what was coming to you" is like the scorpion stinging it's alread

beaten prey.

 

 

And then of course there's the situation where for whatever reason an apology or opportunity to be vindicated will NEVER happen.Now there's a tough one. So how do we genuinely forgive in any circumstances?

1) Recognise that this unwillingness to forgive, is all about YOU.Not about the other.This is YOUR reaction, your choice your decision to remain angry, upset, distressed or incandescent about the situation. Yours and yours alone. Yes,the other has played an important part in how you got here, but it's ultimately within your power and yours alone to decide how long to carry the baggage . And trust me on this you do have the RIGHT to feel so strongly about the situation.

 

2) By sticking to your guns and asserting your right to be upset ,and demand an apology or refuse forgiveness two things are occurring.a) you relive and refue

the anger and hurt every time you replay the events which led to this stand off.b)you are being controlled by the emotional responses of your 6 year old self. Realistically, would you ever ask a 6 year olds advice on grown up life issues? No.. Simply because they don't have the experience.They are demanding that people shouldn't behave like that... When the sad reality is people do.

 

3) Don't blame your inner child.They are simply doing what they think is right to protect you and assert the belief that you shouldn't be treated like this. Your inner child feels challenged for either their safety, wellbeing and acceptance , self worth ( need to be heard, recognised, valued ) or fear of being isolated, or a combination of all of them.You inner child feels threatened and needs to assert these feelings are warranted and justified.You can start to educate your inner child to understand there is a choice of more helpful responses.

 

4) It's about choice. Staying angry, defensive, vengeful is detrimental to your own physical and emotional health.Studies have confirmed again and again holding on to this baggage increases depression, anxiety and impairs your immune system.Like holding burning stones waiting, waiting to throw them at the " wrong doer" in the hope to burn them and feel your pain. Only to find they were a Teflon coat or have taken a different route ...... A total waste of time and the only one with blisters is you. How long will you hold on?

 

5) Forgiveness is NOT saying that what happened is ok. Forgiveness is about accepting it has happened and moving forward instead of being anchored in the past.Forgiveness is not trying to love someone or befriend them It's about letting go of YOUR baggage and setting yourself free.

 

Forgiving someone is the ultimate gift of compassion

 to yourself

21stsanctuary

 



 

5 easy steps to reduce feeling Lonely

Posted on March 21, 2016 at 11:50 AM Comments comments ()

                           

If you have ever felt lonely read on......

A sense of being lonely, or all alone is for many a feature of their everyday lives. It can strike you in a crowd, amongst your work colleagues or amidst your friends. Going home to an empty house At various stages I can feel alone, even now. As my journey takes me farther and farther away from conventional thinking( brainwashing) , as I break away from the type of teaching that conflicts with my true calling, to heal, I sometimes feel alone, very alone. However, I believe that the key difference is this...... I  FEEL LOVED. I'd go farther than that and say I know I am loved. I am part of a new community of loving caring souls, many of whom I will never meet but I can FEEL my tribe.. A new collective of humans striving for unconditional love.

So here are 5 simple steps to help you know you are not alone

1)Loneliness is a form of grief. For your regrets , your often unspoken longings of a life unfulfilled. A lack connection with kind and loving touch or indeed the loss of someone. The need to be comforted and heard, to be reassured it will be alright... and that you are supported and loved is a natural thing to want and need.

2 You are part of ONE race: The human kind and we are all the same. Skin, bones, flesh and blood.You are not your skin colour, your country of origin, your sex your religious beliefs, your disappointments and failures . You are not defined by your challenges and problems. Make no mistakes life IS hard, it's how you steer your way through it that matters.

3)Create your own support:You may have been let down as a child or more recently as an adult but as an adult you are responsible for making yourself feel good. Create new anchors, in people, places, groups and music . Focus on how strong and vibrant they feel as this will serve you well when you face difficult times. You can programme them in by this simple technique. So whenever loneliness( or any other negative emotion) starts to creep on you can call up these moments to reassure yourself that you are truly never alone.

4).Explore : Find a cuddle group , go to great uplifting events where hugging is rife, happiness unbridled and being accepted "just as you are" ( yes Bridget Jones) is the norm. Finding these positive outlets is life altering. You are not some "saddo... who can't even get a hug ".You are taking an active role in providingfor yourself. You are your own knight in shining white armour.

5) Embrace:You are being sent love and unconditional blessings by your tribe from all over the world. They have never met you and may never hug you physically And yet they want you to know and tap into the energy of love they put out every day. They are the very definition of HOPE. Helping One Person Everyday.

Open you heart and mind to this simple fact and slowly you will know you are loved and never alone.

My thanks to Ntathu Allen for her inspirational  post . For more joy and wosdim please take a look at her amazing book of poems


 


 



5 simple steps to creating inner calm anyplace and time

Posted on March 14, 2016 at 12:45 AM Comments comments ()

 

FIVE SIMPLE STEPS : to  create  inner calmness anytime anywhere;

I am taking time to retreat, find space and so I am sitting in my summer house  letting the  heat of the March sun warm me as I top up on Vitamin D.I can disconnect out here , no TV,  a 6 hour play track on You tube and the sound of birds, trees, and the early bees stirring in my envisioned fairyland garden. I say envisioned as theres a lot yet to be done to make it happen.And happen it will, my jouney , to help others find their truth and live happier more contented and joyful lives takes on a new facet.


I'm finishing creating space, a retreat, a 21st Santcuary hideaway, tucked in the bottom of my garden. A place where just a few lucky guests can practice the skill of Mindfulness and Meditation.A place to just be..... a place to disconnect and reconnect with themsleves.


An anchor of good feelings is no more difficult to achieve than our current bad practice of catastrophising!

so if phrases such as           "Its going to be aweful,     I hate this ...   I always fluff things up"   sound familiar to you too........all you are doing is  running the film called  " My terrible  life:   doom and gloom".

We  need firstly to create an  positive ANCHOR. A place, imaginary or real where you feel relaxed and calm .To create an even stronger anchor select a piece of music that you will link emotionally this practice

1) Find a place to sit, with your back supported and legs uncrossed, feet connected to the ground.  NEXT make a mental note of how you are feeling before you start. Where are you carrying  any tension? Now imagine a place/time when you were truly relaxed . 


2)Imagine yourself RIGHTNOW in that place. Close your eyes and  feel it and hear it  see it in your mind .Notice the surroundings in as much detail as you can, the colours , the smells in the air. Is there any wind? a gentle breeze ? what can you hear? children playing and laughing in the distance , a babbling brook? the tide racing in and sighing out.


3)And BREATHE, in to the count of 4 and out to the count of 4, pausing slightly at the top and bottom of each breath in and out.If you find intrusive thoughts and "to do"  lists popping into you head ,  instead of engaging with them and getting into an internal dialogue, return your focus onto your breath.Everytime you feel disruptive thoughts creeping in just  focus back on your breath and connect with being here and now.


4)Now, gently bring your thumb and second or third fingers together and press slightly as you now turn the vibrational levels up, the colours the smells, the feelings,  like a magnifying glass that accentuates each and every detail as you breath in all the calm and relaxation. Immerse your senses in this haven of peace and tranquility. Each breath is replenishing your feel good cells storing  them up for use later.Open your eyes release your fingers and do another mental check in as to how you feel now after.


5) Now  think of an event in the future that you know will challange you,  e.g waiting for an appointment or interview . Now close your eyes and imagine yourself entering into that scene .Now place your fingers and thumbs together and press them together releasing  the stored up feelings of calm and relaxation as you breath in to 4 and out to 4 pausing slightly at the top and bottom of each breath. Feel the calm and relaxation flooding through you as the tension and anxiety ebbs away.

Like any new skill practice makes perfect, so instead of rehearsing the old play recreate a new one which will become the one you turn to in times of need.

For longer term strategies I will be launching soon a series of  "HOW TO", which tackle at a deeper level the undermining thought processes that sabotage us, so watch these spaces for Onlince course release dates, Mindfulness in the garden Sanctuary and residential courses abroad

Nemaste _/\_



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